How I Changed My Mind About Marriage…

When I was a little girl, I didn’t dream of meeting my prince charming. I didn’t have my dream wedding planned out. Being married & having kids was a completely different world to me. I was gonna move to New York City, The Big Apple. I was going to be mysterious and live a life like Carrie Bradshaw.

I’d never been to a wedding. Everyone in my family was either married by “common law”, the courthouse or had a small get together with the local pastor involved. Weddings weren’t a big deal and neither was staying married. Nearly everyone in my family was divorced, had been divorced once before or had separated so many times you’d think they were a high school couple.

I didn’t grow up having a great outlook on marriage or family life. My mom did the best she could to show us a happy life, while being in an unhappy marriage. Still, I couldn’t be convinced that a marriage and family meant happiness. At some point, I remember telling someone that I just didn’t believe in marriage. The concept went right over my head.

Flash forward to me being 16 & pregnant. I’d accepted the fact that I’d have a kid and be a single mom. We’d be like the Gilmore Girls. I’d show her the world and follow her wherever her dreams took her. Still, I’d never get married.

Once I had my first baby, I started dating a guy. He was nice and could have been marriage material for someone, just not me. I liked the idea of having someone there, but not committing my life to them. That was insane. I was young, very young. The thought of marrying someone, especially just to not feel alone, suffocated me. It made me feel trapped.

I dated aimlessly for a few years, when I finally got tired. I was tired of no real connections. I was done with constant first dates and I was only 19. It was then, that I knew I wanted something more.

I wasn’t looking for anyone or anything. I was just scrolling through Facebook, when some “rando” messaged me and asked me on a “date”. We had a few mutual friends, so I thought, “Sure. Why not?”. It couldn’t hurt and if it didn’t work out, oh well. I wasn’t even looking for anything. My hopes were not high.

I was nervous walking in, because I had no clue what to expect. I met the guy and I thought he was a little weird at first. After my nerves settled and I stopped trying to figure him out, we had a great conversation. I left that date wanting something. 

This wasn’t like, “OMG! He’s so hot! I have to have him!”. This feeling was different. I was excited, yet calm.

They say when “you know”, you know. I understood after that date, what they meant. Me, the non-believer. The girl who’d rejected a number of decent guys; who swore she’d never get married. I knew. I don’t know when he knew, but 8 months later, we were engaged and 13 months after we’d met, we were married.

My marriage is so important to me. In a world where divorce is the majority, my marriage is my priority. It’s easy to leave. It’s easy to give up. I know. I’ve witnessed it first hand, over and over again.

 Staying together is hard. Being married is hard. It’s not a walk in the park. You see the worst side of someone and you have to choose to still love them. Everyday you have to choose to work. We are ever evolving and we have to recognize that and grow with each other. We have to choose to trust and to forgive. We have to love and support.

I’ve been married for 2 years now. It’s the easiest relationship I’ve ever had. Marriage is hard, but my relationship with my husband is easy. It’s easy because I really want it and I work every day for it. We both do. It’s an equal partnership. We are completely selfless to one another, my husband and I.

I rambled on about this, to make one point. Don’t be discouraged. In the day to day lives that you all live, you’ll see all the reasons not to do something. You’ll see that baby throwing a fit in target. Don’t let that discourage you from motherhood. You’ll see people being unfaithful & getting divorced. Don’t let that distort your view of your future husband and marriage plans. 

I could go on and on, but I won’t. Just…don’t let a few sour apples ruin the bunch for you. Always leave an open mind and room to create new possibilities.

You may just find your happy ending where you never expected.
Thanks for reading my random ramblings! It was on my mind and I wanted to share.

Until next time…




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