#MOMLIFE · parenting · pregnancy

Gender Disappointment is Real & It’s Okay.

Two years ago, we were pregnant with Kimbrynn. About 3 days before Thanksgiving, I got a call with the results from my genetic screening test letting me know there were no abnormalities found. They also told me the gender of our baby. I took it with a grain of salt, since we were having our anatomy scan 2 days later. Although, I had secretly “known” all along she was a girl. Call it mother’s intuition.

Even though I knew in my heart that we would have •another• girl, I stayed “hopeful” that we’d get boy results. I had actually told myself that the baby was a boy so much that I really believed it. I wanted a boy so badly. My side of the family hadn’t had a boy in 13 years. I wanted to change that. I wanted our “pair” so that we could possibly be done.

The day of our anatomy scan, we asked the tech to put the gender pic in an envelope. I didn’t want to have a gender reveal, but I wanted to share that special moment alone with my husband. We took the envelope and went over to a bagel shop to have breakfast. We ordered, sat down and opened the envelope.

As we opened the envelope, I could tell my husband was full of excitement and wonder. I on the other hand, felt like I knew what was coming and was anxious. I actually feared seeing the words “It’s a girl!”. When we did, I wasn’t happy. I couldn’t be. I was ready to finally shop on the other side of the aisle. I had already imagined hot wheels and legos all over our living room floor. I was…disappointed.

I felt bad for not being excited, like I should have been for a healthy baby. I was crying because I was, for some reason, shocked with the results and because I  felt like a bad mom. She, the baby inside of me, deserved all the excitement that I would have had, had the card said we were expecting a son.

I didn’t sleep well that night and I think I cried a little more, telling our baby I still loved her. The next day, at Thanksgiving, we revealed to our families, the gender of our baby. I felt like they were going to be disappointed. Everyone wanted us to have a boy. It was  like they almost expected us to be have a boy no matter what.

I removed my jacket, revealing a big pink ribbon tied around my belly. My family found it amusing. Derek’s family was excited and in disbelief! (LOL). They though for sure we’d have a little boy. Still, everyone congratulated us and told us how happy they were. Yet, I still wasn’t.

It took me a few fans to get on board, but I finally did. I realized Karsynn would have a sister, someone every girl needs. Our girls are the same years apart as me and my sister. I got excited for all the clothes I’d be able to buy & pass down. I started imagining matching outfits and bows! I knew God had a plan and that whatever it was, was bigger than anything I could’ve planned or asked for.

Before accepting our fate and being excited, I searched the internet. I wanted to know I wasn’t alone, and I wasn’t. I found thousands of birth boards and forums talking about “gender disappointment”. Gender dissppointment is basically, when you set your mind on having a specific gender baby and hyping yourself up about it, only to be told you are in fact having the opposite of what you “planned” on.

This happens to a lot of expecting moms. It happens to the mom with three boys wanting her little pink princess. It happens to the mom who only wants two kids, already has a girl and was just told she’s having another. It happens to the best, most loving and caring moms. It can happen to anyone. Anyone can experience this. Some even go so far as to say they feel like they “grieved a loss”. I wouldn’t say that, but I get it.

Feeling this way is okay and it doesn’t make you selfish or a bad mom.

This time around, we went it not expecting one or the other. While we would love to have a boy, adding another girl to our family would be just as perfect! A girl would actually make it all so much easier! (haha). We’ve only ever talked about having 3 kids total and this one makes three. If God has it in his plan for us to have a fourth child, we will gladly accept, but for now, we are sticking with three.

We find out December 15 (if baby cooperates) what we will be having! I’m so excited to share with everyone , after we share with our families. I never thought I’d be happy being a stay at home mom of three, but I couldn’t picture life any other way now. I have been so blessed and I am truly thankful for the babies I have and the man who I get to raise them with.

My love for our children runs so deep. I can’t believe I was ever “not happy” about Kimbrynn. She came into our lives and just completes us. She’s got a big personality and loves us all with her whole little heart. I can’t wait to see what this next baby brings to the table! 😂 Literally, kids bring the weirdest, most random things to the table! 
Y’all! Thank you so much for your continued support. I am thankful for the •very few• of you who read my posts. I enjoy writing and sharing our stories. It means the world to me that you guys take the time to read and enjoy my writing. It’s a passion and I only hope to grow it more.
Stay tuned for a Thanksgiving recap and a recipe for sweet potato casserole! Yum!

Have a blessed week!

Xo,

K❤

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